Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
