She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
