I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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