Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
