My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
How's work?
Spinning.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
