So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
