He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
