omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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