we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
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Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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