my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
