don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
