sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
