Betty ford says i'm here all night
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
