i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
