I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
