In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm just crazy horny about you
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
