dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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