If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
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She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I'm really busy with my period
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