I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
