I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
