I CAN MOONWALK!
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
