It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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