i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Randomize
