it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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