Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
