I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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