She's JV to your varsity
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
