Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
