farters have to be the big spoon...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
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We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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