And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
