Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
