16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
