There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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