Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
