I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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