doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
there is puke in my bra ... again
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