What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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