Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
