Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
