My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
