I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I want to have your abortion
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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