She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
