I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bring me that man meat
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
