I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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