I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
