I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
