This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
