Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
