The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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