If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
