She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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