i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It's shark week go big or go home
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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