so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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