I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
