One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
