So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Randomize
