I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
