tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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