I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
