I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
