two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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