somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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