so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
