you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
