6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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