im six kinds of drunk right now
please come you make the beer taste better
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
