ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
