I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
