I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
