Little spoons don't ask big questions
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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