A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
