Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
