Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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