recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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